Sugar, PMS and Soft Whispers
by stinkabhel
Summary: “No, Potter. You must understand the concept of sugar PMS, I wolf down all the glucose my body can partake and you watch me.” Lily justified, flipping her hair. “I eat and you watch. Do you understand?” ONESHOT. Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.


Disclaimer: Knowing that we have to do this again, I would like to repeat that I do not own Harry Potter.

A/N: Rewritten.

* * *

James happily trudged the isolated hall towards the bedroom, a jovial smile spread across his face, his messy black hair once again looking windswept.

It was a wonderful autumn evening, chilly yet is t'was the perfect occasion to hold one's aficionada, basking in the warmth of an embrace near the blazing fire and James Potter was slipping into a pleasant reverie. He could already envision scenes of undying passion and love until he opened the bedroom door and was suddenly, not to mention hesitantly, spirited back to reality, and away from his fantasies.

"Sweet. Mother. Of. Merlin." Were the only worlds that lolled from his tongue as his mouth hung agape, flabbergasted at the unfathomable scene that was set before his very eyes.

For in front of him lay scattered bags and boxes of every variety of every possible sweet a man can think of and in the middle of Candyland sat Lily Evans stuffing her face with all the candy her hands could hold.

"Now is the best time for you to shut your bloody face, Potter." a slightly embarrassed but obviously aggressive redhead said coldly.

James attempted to say something while his brain tried to comprehend what was happening but to no avail, was failing miserably resulting his mouth to close, and open and to close and to open again.

"Potter, close your moth. I find it utterly unattractive." Lily cut in curtly, but it was evident that her cheeks were turning a bit red.

"I-I…wow."

"Potter, say one displeasing remark and I would hex you into an endless abyss of agony and pure distress."

With that, James decided to shut up, and just give up the task of fathoming such an immeasurable mystery why he was inside a room with enough candy to compete with Honeydukes and a fiancé who used to be quite…harmless.

"You, Potter, are confused." Lily stated as a matter of factly, a tone of obvious irritation in her voice. "Let me guess, you are utterly perplexed why you're standing in a room with enough candy to store Honeydukes for a month, looking like a complete clueless idiot with his mouth hanging wide open (wherein James closed his mouth in embarrassment) with your wildebeest of a fiancé stuffing herself with glucose and fat."

"Close enough." He replied in a croaking voice.

He stuck to the safe side knowing that one careless remark was enough to lead him to the "light".

"Well.." Lily started off quite hesitantly but attained her poise. "I'm…PMS-ing…"

With those words, James's circulation was cut off and his world fell apart. It was the end of him…

"P-PMS-ing?" he stuttered, trying to hide fear but was obviously failing miserably. "Isn't that the cause of the brutal murder of the bloke on telly committed by his unstable and PMS-ing fiancé?"

James's began to recall the mangled body of the poor bloke he just watched in Evans's residence the other night. His imagination had gone berserk, and started imagining Lily cackling madly standing on top mangled body with thunder and lightning in the background, after the next few possible situations. He then swallowed the lump on his throat.

"As a matter of fact, Potter, yes." Lily replied keeping her composure, simultaneously stuffing her mouth with a chocolate frog which in James's opinion looked like blood as it went through her gritted teeth.

"I think I should be leaving…" he informed, eager to get out of the room as soon as possible, abandoning his early fantasies.

"No, Potter, you sit." The redhead commanded still wolfing down the chocolate frog.

Those words sent a shudder down his spine, and his stomach did loopty-loops Nadia Comaneci can't even conjure.

"Sit? Stay with you?" he swallowed nervously. But for James that meant staying at the line of fire. He was officially going to be a victim of PMS, or worse, Sugar PMS.

He would die a cruel and agonizing death.

"Yes, Potter. Now do as you're told." Lily snapped, grabbing a bag of jelly slugs as James did as he was told.

For a few minutes they just stared at each other (in Lily's case, staring at James as well as gobbling down a bag of slugs).

James slowly attempted to smuggle a slug until a sharp light hit his hand with a burning pain.

"Ouch!" he yelped rubbing he hand. "If I'm watching you, then I should have some as well!"

"No, Potter. You must understand the concept of sugar PMS, I wolf down all the glucose my body can partake and you watch me." Lily justified, flipping her hair. "I eat and you watch. Do you understand?"

"But that-"

"Do you understand?!" Lily repeated growling and James swore he saw Lily's face morph into McGonagall's.

"Yes, very clearly."

They sat there for a few minutes, Lily gobbling up her 16th bar of Honeydukes chocolate and James looking at her with disgust and wonder how a human being could actually devour that much in 5 minutes flat.

"What are you staring at, Potter?"

"Merlin, Lily, even Sirius can't gobble up that much. Are you certain that you could still squeeze yourself into the wedding dress? It didn't come cheap…"

"Potter, there won't be a wedding if you say that again. Two simple words: Avada Kedavra."

"I was thinking more of "I do"..."

"Potter…"

"Evans, I meant soon to be Evans-Potter, have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Might've mentioned of…" Lily answered, a bit cooling down with James' sweet remark.

With an attempt not to fall for his sweet talk, shot back "Potter, remind me again why I dated you, let alone accepted your proposal?"

"Well, I wouldn't blame you, Lily dear. My wit and my charming smile are evidently irresistible…" James replied with a wink and a dazzling smile. "After all, I don't mind…"

"Well, actually, I always wondered why I never decided to go out with Sirius instead of you." Lily said teasingly. (James flushed) "All right James, you can leave, I'm giving Sirius a phone call…"

"But, I mean why have Sirius when you can have me?!"

"Four words, Potter: You're not good enough!"

"Not good enough?! What happened to what I read on your diary: James Potter kisses like a god…" James mocked.

"Diary? Potter…" growled Lily warningly, as she blushed and at the same time threw a glare at James's direction.

"Er…It was Remus's fault, I was innocent!"

"Oh that's fine." Lily smiled evilly. "Oh and btw, Sirius accidentally slipped that you wet your bed at the age of 16…"

"What the?!" James blushed furiously at the mention of this. "I-I did not!"

"Oh sure, Potter. I should never hear you lecture our son about wetting his bed, since you still had an uncontrollable bladder at the age 16!" Lily mused, standing up.

"Well at least I can brag to my own son that his mom actually thinks that his dad kisses like a god!" James fired back, standing up, looking down at Lily with his infamous Potter smirk.

"Keep telling yourself that, Potter." Lily replied, turning back and crossing her arms.

"But you already said so yourself, Evans-Potter…" James said in a sing-song voice.

"I hate you…" said Lily, sticking out her tongue.

"I love you too…" replied James, blowing her a kiss before smirking.

Lily's face twitched, as if she was going to smile but controlled her facial features well.

"That's not what I said…"

"But that's what you meant…" said James, winking with a grin.

"You are so…" Lily struggled to find the right word to describe the bespectacled man in front of her.

"Sweet, dashing, handsome?" James suggested in a sing song voice.

"Full of yourself!" Lily corrected, prodding a finger against James's chest. "You are an arrogant, conceited-"

"- egocentric fool of a dolt whose ego is bigger than life itself." James completed with a smirk. "Speech 237: Use when Potter is being sweet, dashing and has a big chance of me agreeing to go out with him."

"Hey, you also read my "Denial Speeches for Potter Handbook"!" she blushed.

"Not to mention, "The Secret Fantasies of Lily Evans"…" James added with a grin, wiggling his eyebrows. "Sorry, Evans-Potter, I only wanted 2 children not 17…"

Lily's cheeks turned bright scarlet again, and conjuring a crowbar out of nowhere.

"I was half-asleep when I wrote that, you fool." Lily defended and James decided not to push it any longer remembering it was PMS season.

They stood there for a couple of seconds looking at each other until Lily decided to physically assault James with a pillow.

"Hey! No fair!" James protested, readying himself for physical exertion.

"All's fair in love and war…" Lily replied with a mischievous grin once again slapping James in the head causing him to fall down on the floor with a loud thud. He let out low groan and his head fell.

Lily's body filled with dread and worry as the motionless body of her fiancé was set before her eyes.

"James…" she called.

He didn't move.

"James, this is not funny!"

He stayed still.

Lily rushed to his side, jabbing James's chest with her hand.

He winced but she didn't notice. That ought to bruise.

"James, wake up!" she yelled frantically, tears slowly forming in her eyes.

Great, James Potter, Quidditch Star, dead because of pillow fight. Whopeee.

"Gotcha!" he suddenly pulled her into an embrace tickling her ribs like a raving lunatic. He laughed and she cackled in return, both adults horsing around like a bunch of hormone enraged teenagers.

After a few moments of rib-crushing tickling, they both collapsed onto the floor, panting in exhaustion.

James smiled coyly.

"But love is vanity's conqueror…" he whispered, tucking strands of her hair behind her ear.

James smiled appreciatively and pondered about how lucky he was to experience life in the greatest of ways possible even in a time like this. How lucky he was to grow into a man (not to mention, shedding immaturity) with his full potentials, bloom in the glory of his family ties and friendship, share a passionate love with a brilliant woman, and perhaps eventually start his own family… even if he had 17 children.

"Lily?" he whispered to the woman rested on his bosom. He then felt the calm and rhythmic breathing of the woman and realized that she had fallen asleep. He smiled at the solemn scene.

He carried her slowly onto the bed and tucked her in tightly, before whispering a sweet reassurance of love and a quick peck on her lips.

He chuckled and shook his head at the taste of sugar and eventually plopping himself on the floor and allowing himself to have a "bit" of candy. Sugar PMS wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

Lily woke up in the middle of the night as she failed to feel the warmth that was supposed to be right next to her. She groggily sat up and she could still taste the sugar in her lips.

She was surprised to see him on the floor, with a bar of half-eaten chocolate bar still clutched in his hands, his glasses sliding off his nose.

She cocked her head and smiled.

She sat next to him, took off his spectacles and remembered his sweet words as she slept and whispered "I don't think I can handle 17 children James but I appreciate your concern. Btw, I love you too, more than anything in the world."

Lily swore she saw a small smile etch on his lips before she rested her head on his chest and let his rhythmic breathing lull her to sleep.

Unbeknownst to her he slowly whispered, "More than anything in the world…"

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So? Love it? Hate it? But yeah, please review!


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